when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
