So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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