I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
