i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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