were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
