Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
