I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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