maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
