We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
