does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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