This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
