rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
