he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
