; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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