Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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