I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
