I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
