I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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