Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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