first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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