i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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