Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
