I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
