the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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