i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
