she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
