you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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