Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
