remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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