come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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