If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
