It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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