hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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