I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize