K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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