Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
how does that bad decision feel?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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