I'm going to jail i love you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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