The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
