never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
