Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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