I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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