it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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