Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
