So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
