so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
