i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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