Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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