Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
