I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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