She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
