Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
