I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im six kinds of drunk right now
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
