thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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