Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
