Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
