If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
