I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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