never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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