can u get pink eye on your cock?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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