It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
