its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
