yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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