I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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