woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
