Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize