ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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