I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
