JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
