bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
