it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've blown a few things in my day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
