So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
