he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
