when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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