I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
