Someone shit on the floor
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
