How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
